DMX To Fight George Zimmerman In Boxing Match

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Vol 50 Issue 05

Fun Sticker Placed On Child's Ventilator

Fifty-seven women are stoned to death during the annual Riyadh fashion week, a frantic Biden searches a dog shelter for a Bo look-alike, and a fun sticker is placed on a child’s ventilator.

Report: It Too Soon To Glance Back At Attractive Person

PORTLAND—Citing the fact that you just made eye contact with her and doing so again right away might come across as creepy, a new report released today has confirmed that it’s still too soon to glance back at the attractive person behind you.

International Olympians To Watch

With the 2014 Winter Olympics underway in Sochi, Russia, Onion Sports provides a comprehensive guide to the most exciting international athletes.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

DMX To Fight George Zimmerman In Boxing Match

Although an official contract has yet to be signed, representatives for rapper DMX and former Florida neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman have confirmed that the two are negotiating with a celebrity boxing promoter to fight each other in a three-round pay-per-view match. What do you think?

  • “So the healing process begins.”

    Roger Gauthier
    Unemployed
  • “Here’s hoping we gain the same sense of closure and justice as when Screech fought Horshack.”

    Sam Berthiaume
    Wax Figure Sculptor
  • “I hope Downton Abbey isn’t on at the same time.”

    Judy Rowsell
    Nurse Practitioner
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