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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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DMX To Fight George Zimmerman In Boxing Match

Although an official contract has yet to be signed, representatives for rapper DMX and former Florida neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman have confirmed that the two are negotiating with a celebrity boxing promoter to fight each other in a three-round pay-per-view match. What do you think?

  • “So the healing process begins.”

    Roger Gauthier Unemployed
  • “Here’s hoping we gain the same sense of closure and justice as when Screech fought Horshack.”

    Sam Berthiaume Wax Figure Sculptor
  • “I hope Downton Abbey isn’t on at the same time.”

    Judy Rowsell Nurse Practitioner
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