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DMX To Fight George Zimmerman In Boxing Match

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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DMX To Fight George Zimmerman In Boxing Match

Although an official contract has yet to be signed, representatives for rapper DMX and former Florida neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman have confirmed that the two are negotiating with a celebrity boxing promoter to fight each other in a three-round pay-per-view match. What do you think?

  • “So the healing process begins.”

    Roger Gauthier Unemployed
  • “Here’s hoping we gain the same sense of closure and justice as when Screech fought Horshack.”

    Sam Berthiaume Wax Figure Sculptor
  • “I hope Downton Abbey isn’t on at the same time.”

    Judy Rowsell Nurse Practitioner

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