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Does Iran Pose A Threat?

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.
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Does Iran Pose A Threat?

While Iran did free the British sailors it detained last month, the country is still threatening to restart its nuclear program. What do you think?
  • "So a country in the Mideast has been acting irrationally? I guess that's news."

    Kenneth Ridener Systems Analyst
  • "Like it or not, the time to stop this is right now, before we're forced to restore the Soviet Union and beat them at hockey again."

    Donald Stiles Tax Examiner
  • "Remember the good old days when Iran and Iraq were always at war with each other, and nobody else gave a shit who won or lost?"

    Brenda Stearns Archivist
  • "As the manager of the long-forgotten '80s sensation A Flock Of Seagulls, this can only be good for me."

    Alfredo Mireles Cook
  • "Show me where the U.N. charter states that sovereign nations have the right to behave like the U.S."

    Jeffrey Eubanks Truck Driver
  • "Should we take action against Iran? We just liberated them. Check your facts before asking stupid questions."

    Karla Finik Hairdresser

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