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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Dog Owners Have Healthier Babies

A study in the journal Pediatrics found that infants who lived in homes with dogs had fewer coughs, colds, and ear infections than infants from canine-free homes. What do you think?

  • “On the downside, you’ve got to be the person who has a dog and a baby and acts like a better person for having both.”

    Chris Condos English Teacher
  • “Meanwhile, babies who like iguanas are more likely to one day listen to the Cure.”

    Vin Rao Community Outreach Coordinator
  • “That makes me feel better about all the deer ticks.”

    Kay Devadanam Flight Kitchen Manager

More from this section

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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