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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, yeah. Just make a dog in pill form and give me a prescription.”

    Claude Wessel Pipeline Laborer
  • “Now I wish I hadn’t put Ranger down.”

    Zoe Umansky Hoop Coiler
  • “They’re very calming. I’m usually asleep within two minutes of seeing a dog.”

    Bruno Valton Wort Extracter
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