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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Dogs As Smart As 2-Year-Olds

Researchers have found that dogs are capable of comprehending up to 250 words, can count to five, and are capable of deception, putting them on par with 2-year-old children. What do you think?
  • "Not my 2-year-old. He's pretty dumb."

    David Munro Systems Analyst
  • "If that's true, then why was everyone at the park so shocked when my dog kept asking me, 'Why?'"

    Paulette Long Window Framer
  • "Not only was my pit bull as smart as a 2-year-old, he was also many times stronger than a 9-year-old, according to the county coroner's office."

    Michael Kimball Joint Filler

After Birth

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