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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Dogs Domesticated Earlier Than Thought

The discovery of a jawbone in a Siberian cave may indicate the domestication of dogs took place 30,000 years ago, 16,000 years earlier than previously thought. What do you think?

  • "Those dogs must have had some really stupid names."

    Darren Landmark Systems Analyst
  • "Siberia can have its dogs and its caves. Cats and pyramids in Egypt is what I'm talking about."

    Alice Peters Unemployed
  • "So, by my calculations, that makes 200,756 more sobbing sons who watched as their dads put the old boys down."

    Devin Coombs Plant Guide

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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