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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Dogs Domesticated Earlier Than Thought

The discovery of a jawbone in a Siberian cave may indicate the domestication of dogs took place 30,000 years ago, 16,000 years earlier than previously thought. What do you think?

  • "Those dogs must have had some really stupid names."

    Darren Landmark Systems Analyst
  • "Siberia can have its dogs and its caves. Cats and pyramids in Egypt is what I'm talking about."

    Alice Peters Unemployed
  • "So, by my calculations, that makes 200,756 more sobbing sons who watched as their dads put the old boys down."

    Devin Coombs Plant Guide

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