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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Dogs Domesticated Earlier Than Thought

The discovery of a jawbone in a Siberian cave may indicate the domestication of dogs took place 30,000 years ago, 16,000 years earlier than previously thought. What do you think?

  • "Those dogs must have had some really stupid names."

    Darren Landmark Systems Analyst
  • "Siberia can have its dogs and its caves. Cats and pyramids in Egypt is what I'm talking about."

    Alice Peters Unemployed
  • "So, by my calculations, that makes 200,756 more sobbing sons who watched as their dads put the old boys down."

    Devin Coombs Plant Guide

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