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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Dogs Originated In Middle East

Using genetic markers, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have discovered that dogs were likely first domesticated from wolves in the Middle East. What do you think?

  • "Maybe yours was, but mine sure as hell came from the ol’ U S of A."

    Martin Drozd Beam Warper
  • "Yes, but dogs were first turned into surrogate children in the Western Hemisphere during the mid-20th century."

    Laura Ivins Holter Technician
  • "Now all I have to do is fill in about 20,000 years of genealogy and I'll have a complete pedigree for my boxer, Raymond."

    Bill Coyne Quirk Sander

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