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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Dogs' Thoughts 'Read' With MRI

Using fMRI imagery, scientists were able to see which parts of the brain were activated when specially trained dogs were offered treats. What do you think?

  • "With these sophisticated technologies, we'll be able to use ordinary treats to bend the dog to our will."

    Joshua Guadagni Turbine-Blade Assembler
  • "Did he say anything about walking in on me getting dressed that one time? Be specific. I'd really like to know what he thought."

    Bruce Robson Automatic Screwmaker
  • "Why dogs? What I really want to find out is what hummingbirds are thinking. So many wing flaps per minute!"

    Susan Richings Millwright

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