Dogs' Thoughts 'Read' With MRI

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Vol 48 Issue 19

Cliffhanger High

Noggin 4:00 p.m. EST/3:00 p.m. CST All-state baseball pitcher Russ throws two strikes to the opposing team's star player, the girls nervously shuffle on stage for the regional cheerleading competition, Principal Wolf dials the number of the clinic to lea...

Guitar Music Fad Runs Course

CLEVELAND—Nearly six decades after electric-guitar-based rock and roll began its dominance of mainstream popular music, the fad has finally run its course, a group of fans, critics, and record industry executives confirmed Sunday.

5-Year-Old Announces Circle No Longer Her Favorite Shape

ALLENTOWN, PA—Radically reversing nearly three weeks of precedent, local 5-year-old Tricia Billings announced Saturday that the circle was no longer her favorite shape. "Circles aren't my favorite anymore," said Billings, denouncing t...

Not The New York Philharmonic

PBS 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST A pre-taped concert that doesn’t feature some of the greatest musicians in the country, thank God.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Dogs' Thoughts 'Read' With MRI

Using fMRI imagery, scientists were able to see which parts of the brain were activated when specially trained dogs were offered treats. What do you think?

  • "With these sophisticated technologies, we'll be able to use ordinary treats to bend the dog to our will."

    Joshua Guadagni
    Turbine-Blade Assembler
  • "Did he say anything about walking in on me getting dressed that one time? Be specific. I'd really like to know what he thought."

    Bruce Robson
    Automatic Screwmaker
  • "Why dogs? What I really want to find out is what hummingbirds are thinking. So many wing flaps per minute!"

    Susan Richings
    Millwright
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