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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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D.O.J. Investigates Self

The Justice Department is opening a probe to investigate its own use of wiretapping and warrantless surveillance. What do you think?
  • "Is that wiretapping stuff still going on? I thought that was last year. I remember I was so outraged about that."

    Jill Beckett Bellhop
  • "Gonzalez is taking this very seriously. He personally promoted top- notch D.O.J. janitor Phil Nugs to Inspector General just to lead this probe."

    Stephen Varney Systems Analyst
  • "There's a good chance they'll catch themselves red-handed here."

    Brendon Gaines Projectionist

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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

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