Dolphins And The Military

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

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Dolphins And The Military

In a move that has outraged many animal-rights activists, the U.S. Navy is using dolphins to find underwater mines in Iraqi harbors. What do you think?
  • "It's one thing to put human lives at risk in a war, but dolphins? That's just unconscionable."

    Arthur Bond
    Systems Analyst
  • "I support the U.S. dolphin military program. For many dolphins, the G.I. Bill is the only way they can afford college."

    George Goff
    Auto Mechanic
  • "As someone who wore a T-shirt with a dolphin on it almost every day in fourth grade, I find this development troubling. My nickname in school was 'fishshirt.'"

    Dorothea Klapp
    Graphic Designer
  • "I gave up canned tuna for the dolphins, and now they're just blowing them to shit?"

    Melvin Adams
    Electrician
  • "Sure, they'll tell you about the success of the Navy dolphins, but will they tell you about the 10,000-dolphin protest in Chicago last weekend?"

    Eleanor Reese
    Painter
  • "This is the military. We should be amazed they're not using baby chicks."

    Dan Mora
    Civil Engineer
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