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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Donald Trump Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize

Among those nominated for the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize, Donald Trump has made the list beside Pope Francis, the Afghan women’s cycling team, and others due to a nomination letter written by an unknown supporter who praised Trump’s “vigorous peace through strength ideology.” What do you think?

  • “It is true that he hasn’t killed anyone yet.”

    Jermaine Wilkins Systems Analyst
  • “Imagine how embarrassed he must be, nominated in the same category as a group of women.”

    Talia Bowman Ramen Assembler
  • “Yeah, but he’ll probably get robbed by some doctor who set up a nonprofit to feed hungry orphans or something.”

    Fred O’Donnell Unemployed

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