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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Door Open for NJ Gay Marriage

The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that gay couples were entitled to the same rights as heterosexuals, leaving the door open for gay marriage. What do you think?
  • “This will go a long way toward expanding the variety of punch lines about New Jersey.”

    Elisa Siegel Inventory Control Specialist
  • “If we don’t move to stop this trend immediately, gay people will have as much legal clout as the clinically brain-dead.”

    Dan Peltier Systems Analyst
  • “So I guess the court left the back door open! Ha! I am so closeted! Wait, I meant to say 'funny,' not 'closeted.' Where’d that come from?"

    Nate Broder Street Cleaner

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