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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Doritos Creator Dies

Arch West, the Frito-Lay marketing executive credited with inventing the Dorito snack chip, died at 97. What do you think?

  • "Dammit. It’s getting harder and harder by the day for a girl to snare a snack pioneer."

    Darcy Roach Brush Finisher
  • “To make it to 97 I’m guessing he erred more on the side of Doritos-creating than Doritos-consuming.”

    Torrens Layaway Clerk
  • "I bet that guy's car was a complete mess all the time."

    Pete Decoutere Systems Analyst

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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