Dow Jones Index Reaches Record High

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...

Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital.
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Dow Jones Index Reaches Record High

Despite the sluggish recovery and the federal government’s sequestration budget cuts, the Dow Jones industrial average closed at 14,253.77 points yesterday, the highest level ever, surpassing the previous record set in October 2007 before the financial collapse. What do you think?

  • “Take that, Nasdaq!”

    Francesco Grimaldi
    Gunsmith
  • “They should go ahead and just ring the shit out of that bell all day today."

    Kevin Werhsler
    Motorcycle Tester
  • “Let’s not get too excited. I’d like to see it up to at least 14,253.92 before anyone starts breaking out the champagne.”

    Katia Van Viersen
    Glass Tinter
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