adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Downton Abbey' Returns To U.S. TV

The third season of the popular British period drama Downton Abbey made its U.S. premiere last night on PBS, prompting many fans to throw early-1900s-themed viewing parties. What do you think?

  • “My party went all-out: elaborate hats, British accents, and absolutely no TV.”

    Leo Nagle Galvanometer Assembler
  • “It’s great! I hear this is going to be the driest, subtlest season yet!”

    Mickey Bartus Systems Analyst
  • “I watch the show for Laura Linney’s intro, and that’s it.”

    Laurie Steele Cremator

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close