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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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'Downton Abbey' Returns To U.S. TV

The third season of the popular British period drama Downton Abbey made its U.S. premiere last night on PBS, prompting many fans to throw early-1900s-themed viewing parties. What do you think?

  • “My party went all-out: elaborate hats, British accents, and absolutely no TV.”

    Leo Nagle Galvanometer Assembler
  • “It’s great! I hear this is going to be the driest, subtlest season yet!”

    Mickey Bartus Systems Analyst
  • “I watch the show for Laura Linney’s intro, and that’s it.”

    Laurie Steele Cremator
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