adBlockCheck

Drilling For Oil In Alaska

Top Headlines

Recent News

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

Surprises

Drilling For Oil In Alaska

Seeking to decrease U.S. dependence on Iraqi oil, Senate Republicans want to open Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge for drilling. What do you think?
  • "It'd be nice if we lived in some magical fantasy world where we could get energy from the sun and the wind, but we need to deal with reality."

    Daniel Mendoza
    Systems Analyst
  • "America needs to reduce its overall oil consumption, but I can't bring myself to ride the bus with a bunch of puds. So Arctic drilling it is."

    Tim Wills
    Machinist
  • "How much oil is in one of those seals, anyway?"

    Vincent Putnam
    Delivery Driver
  • "If I didn't know better, I'd say some oil man stands to make billions on this. Say, the president used to be in the oil business! Maybe he could help us sniff out the culprit!"

    Christine Sample
    Nurse
  • "If drilling kills off the refuge's indigenous wildlife, that'll give us a nice head start on the next generation of fossil fuels."

    Gene Oliver
    Real-Estate Agent
  • "We might as well use that oil. If we don't, our children will."

    Diane Bell
    Architect

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close