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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Drone Blimps To Protect Washington, D.C.

Within the next year, two 242-foot-long, $2.7 billion helium blimps will be deployed into the skies above Washington, D.C., using advanced radar and computer processing to detect any incoming missiles or other threats headed for the nation’s capital. What do you think?

  • “I can’t wait to show them to my kids and explain how safe, rather than terrified, they should feel.”

    Penny Gambetta Armored Car Driver
  • “Two blimps times 242 feet and $2.7 billion…yeah, the numbers check out.”

    Christophe Frederick Motorcycle Racer
  • “And to think that up until now we had to rely on the most expensive missile defense system known to man.”

    Grant Zargarpour Relief Map Modeler

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