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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Drones Banned At Yosemite

Rangers at Yosemite National Park have issued a stern reminder to visitors that flying drones is banned within its boundaries, saying that using the unmanned aerial vehicles to take nature photos can disrupt wildlife and create noise pollution. What do you think?

  • “How are we supposed to enjoy the park if we aren’t even allowed to ruin it?”

    Joshua Entwin Marketing Expert
  • “A stern reminder? Fuck, they’re serious about this.”

    Carl Hallet Car Bumper Installer
  • “What if I’m just using it quietly in my tent?”

    Marilyn Conwell Bakery Assistant

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