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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Drug Found To Boost Female Libido

Flibanserin, a drug developed unsuccessfully as a treatment for depression, was shown to increase and enhance sex drive in women. What do you think?
  • "Between this and Viagra, my husband and I will have no excuse not to enjoy a very fulfilling conversation about science."

    Lacey Moreland Systems Analyst
  • "I'll be honest with you: I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of women enjoying sex."

    Neil Ridgeway Greige-Room Worker
  • "Ha! My wife doesn't need any help getting aroused. We already kiss for two minutes every night."

    Harry Prieboy Psychiatrist

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