Drunken Gibson Offends Cops

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Drunken Gibson Offends Cops

After being pulled over, actor Mel Gibson went on a drunken tirade in which he blamed the Jews for being the cause of all the wars and referred to a female officer as "Sugar Tits." What do you think?
  • "I'm grateful to him. During my DWI arrest a couple years ago, I didn't have the guts to tell the truth about Israel."

    Nancy Smith
    Publicist
  • "In typical fashion, the media is trying to sensationalize this relatively tame incident. You name me one person in your workplace who hasn't called someone Sugar Tits."

    Ving Daives
    Mortician
  • "See the lesson here? Never let a Jew get you drunk."

    Andrei Todman
    Astrophysics Professor