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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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'Dumb Starbucks’ Opens In Downtown L.A.

A mysterious new coffee shop opened in Los Angeles this weekend calling itself “Dumb Starbucks,” drawing hordes of curious customers who were told the café is a functional coffee shop legally classified as an art gallery in order to avoid violating Starbucks’ copyright. What do you think?

  • “The height of artistic expression is calling things dumb.”

    Amy Goode Systems Analyst
  • “You mean all you have to do to steal something is put the word ‘dumb’ in front of it?”

    Matthew Adams Bakery Assistant
  • “Oh, I get it!”

    Tony O’Donovan Furniture Restorer

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