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Earhart Died On Pacific Island

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The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

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CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Earhart Died On Pacific Island

The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery has concluded that Amelia Earhart died on an uninhabited island after running out of fuel. What do you think?

  • "As long as it's not too late to amend the postage stamps to incorporate this information."

    Shane Jawitz Guyline Operator
  • "If you're flying around the world it's really important to have enough fuel."

    Albertina Spagnuolo Limer
  • "Well, that's too damn bad. I'm not rewriting act three of my new play Amelia & The Overpopulated Peninsula She Died On."

    Stefan Marshall Unemployed

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