adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Earhart Died On Pacific Island

The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery has concluded that Amelia Earhart died on an uninhabited island after running out of fuel. What do you think?

  • "As long as it's not too late to amend the postage stamps to incorporate this information."

    Shane Jawitz Guyline Operator
  • "If you're flying around the world it's really important to have enough fuel."

    Albertina Spagnuolo Limer
  • "Well, that's too damn bad. I'm not rewriting act three of my new play Amelia & The Overpopulated Peninsula She Died On."

    Stefan Marshall Unemployed

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close