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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Earliest Birds Had Four Wings

According to fossil analysis by Chinese scientists, some of the world’s first birds, which lived 150 to 100 million years ago, used feathered hind limbs as an additional set of wings and appear to have flown in a manner similar to biplanes. What do you think?

  • “That sounds so badass. Unless it flapped all four wings. Then it’s pretty dorky.”

    Micky Cobley Woodenware Assembler
  • “Wow! I can’t wait to see birds of the future with just one wing!”

    Francisco Faccio Furnace Cleaner
  • “Yeah, right. ‘Chinese scientists'."

    Samantha Tindall Pearl Restorer

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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