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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Early Marijuana Use Increases Psychosis Risk

A study by the Queensland Brain Institute in Australia showed that young adults who had smoked marijuana for at least six years were twice as likely to suffer delusions, hallucinations, or psychotic episodes. What do you think?

  • "That's a shame. I was really hoping marijuana would be the one mind-altering drug that you could chronically use for several years without it seriously altering your mind."

    Jessica Brodsky Systems Analyst
  • "To really prove this theory, they need to do a comparable study where they give free pot for six years to people on the 1200 block of East Burleigh in Milwaukee."

    Pete Alexander Aligning Checker
  • "Yeah, but you don't hear any of those stoners complaining, do you? I mean, have you ever heard a complaining stoner? Is that something that even exists? A complaining stoner, I'm talking about. Because if stoners don't do one thing, it is not not complaining."

    George Ludovico Cooper

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