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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Earth-like Planet Discovered

Scientists have discovered an Earth-like planet orbiting a red dwarf star 20 light-years away. What do you think?
  • "If it's Earth-like, then it's probably near destruction and of no use to us."

    Randy Kirkland Cantor
  • "How Earth-like? 'Temperate and able to sustain life' Earth-like or 'completely overrun with self-absorbed assholes' Earth-like?"

    Eirc Steinway Social Worker
  • "Did scientists find any tall, single men on that Earth? I've pretty much exhausted my possibilities here."

    Melody Thorsen Tour Guide
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