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Earthquake Rattles New England

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Earthquake Rattles New England

A rare 4.0 earthquake centered in Maine shook much of New England, including the Boston metro area, for several seconds yesterday evening, though no reports of damage were recorded. What do you think?

  • “Oh my God, I hope Stephen King is okay!”

    A.J. Ahi
    Systems Analyst
  • “I bet those eggheads at MIT were crying out ‘Oh, no, we know exactly what’s happening,’ like a bunch of scared idiots.”

    Richard Masoner
    Lacquerer
  • “With all that’s been going on in the world, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was just God’s way of telling us there is some slight geological instability in the earth’s crust in that particular region.”

    Tamara Furia
    Greeting Card Editor

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