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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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East Coast Braces For Blizzard

Thousands of flights have been canceled and several government agencies have shuttered in anticipation of a massive snowstorm making its way to the East Coast, a blizzard that could affect as many as 75 million people in a dozen states. What do you think?

  • “Typical East Coast media bias. It snowed here in Columbus last night, but I didn’t see any news trucks.”

    Tony Gascoyne Noise Meterman
  • “How could the promise of eating beefaroni by candlelight worry anyone?”

    Darryl Jeffers Mustache Barber
  • “Great. The first time in my life a journalist wants to interview me, and it’s to talk about the fucking weather.”

    Monica Penderton Nun Biographer
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