adBlockCheck

East Coast Braces For Blizzard

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

East Coast Braces For Blizzard

Thousands of flights have been canceled and several government agencies have shuttered in anticipation of a massive snowstorm making its way to the East Coast, a blizzard that could affect as many as 75 million people in a dozen states. What do you think?

  • “Typical East Coast media bias. It snowed here in Columbus last night, but I didn’t see any news trucks.”

    Tony Gascoyne Noise Meterman
  • “How could the promise of eating beefaroni by candlelight worry anyone?”

    Darryl Jeffers Mustache Barber
  • “Great. The first time in my life a journalist wants to interview me, and it’s to talk about the fucking weather.”

    Monica Penderton Nun Biographer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close