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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Eating Disorders Common Among Older Women

A study by researchers at the University of North Carolina found that 13 percent of women 50 years of age and older had an eating disorder such as binge-eating or bulimia, including many women over the age of 75. What do you think?

  • “Look, once your husband's gone, there's nobody left to keep up appearances or keep down food for.”

    Shandra Schneider Systems Analyst
  • "Well, you know, you get all busy and preoccupied, then pow, suddenly you're 50, and it dawns on you, 'My God, I never got around to that eating disorder.’"

    Remmick Harris Systems Analyst
  • "No wonder, when they're being constantly bombarded with unrealistic images of Judi Dench and Maggie Smith."

    Ken Faisca Systems Analyst

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