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Ebola Reaches Ugandan Capital

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CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

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CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Ebola Reaches Ugandan Capital

With 16 confirmed dead from the latest outbreak of Ebola in Uganda, including at least one fatality in the nation’s capital of Kampala, officials are urging citizens to help stem the spread of the highly lethal disease by not shaking hands or having casual sex. What do you think?

  • “Every 20 years I plan a trip to Uganda, and every 20 years, boom, Ebola."

    Marguerite Heutschly Magnetic Tape Winder
  • “If they think that’s bad, they should see every other thing happening in Uganda.”

    Howard Striglos Vinegar Maker
  • “My thoughts go out to all those unable to have casual sex.”

    Herb Thompson Systems Analyst

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