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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Edward Snowden Speaks At SXSW

Appearing over streaming video from an undisclosed location in Russia, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden spoke at the South By Southwest Interactive Festival yesterday as part of a panel hosted by the ACLU. What do you think?

  • “Ah man, I was hoping to see some up-and-coming whistleblowers."

    Milo Baumgartner Unemployed
  • "Bold move by Snowden—But is it bold enough for SXSW's group of innovators, game-changers, and movers and shakers?"

    Christian Dampf Fuse Inspector
  • "He was alright, but I preferred Dum Dum Girls."

    Rachel O’Bannon Camera Specialist
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God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

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