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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Edward Snowden Speaks At SXSW

Appearing over streaming video from an undisclosed location in Russia, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden spoke at the South By Southwest Interactive Festival yesterday as part of a panel hosted by the ACLU. What do you think?

  • “Ah man, I was hoping to see some up-and-coming whistleblowers."

    Milo Baumgartner Unemployed
  • "Bold move by Snowden—But is it bold enough for SXSW's group of innovators, game-changers, and movers and shakers?"

    Christian Dampf Fuse Inspector
  • "He was alright, but I preferred Dum Dum Girls."

    Rachel O’Bannon Camera Specialist

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