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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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‘El Chapo’ Extradited To U.S.

Mexican drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, recaptured last year after having escaped prison and spent six months as a fugitive, has been extradited to an undisclosed location within the U.S., where he will eventually stand trial. What do you think?

  • “I would really feel better if they disclosed his location.”

    Gladys Keane Soap Carver
  • “Mexico knows that no one does solitary confinement like we do.”

    Erik Helmich Decoupage Expert
  • “That’s one hell of a way to cheat our immigration system.”

    Devin Shanley Broom Assembler

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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