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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Elderly Woman Unknowingly Lived With 20,000 Bees

Saying she didn’t notice any buzzing or see any bees flying around outside, a 98-year-old Florida woman was shocked to discover more than 20,000 bees living in her attic, as well as numerous rats and squirrels that had been attracted by the large amounts of honey. What do you think?

  • “Getting old is quite the adventure.”

    Elton Schiff Lathe Operator
  • “So that’s where all the bees went!”

    Gustavo Lombardo Sluice Tender
  • “If you think about it, aren’t we all unknowingly living with 20,000 bees?”

    Cybil Schmook Prune Washer
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