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Elderly Woman Unknowingly Lived With 20,000 Bees

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Elderly Woman Unknowingly Lived With 20,000 Bees

Saying she didn’t notice any buzzing or see any bees flying around outside, a 98-year-old Florida woman was shocked to discover more than 20,000 bees living in her attic, as well as numerous rats and squirrels that had been attracted by the large amounts of honey. What do you think?

  • “Getting old is quite the adventure.”

    Elton Schiff Lathe Operator
  • “So that’s where all the bees went!”

    Gustavo Lombardo Sluice Tender
  • “If you think about it, aren’t we all unknowingly living with 20,000 bees?”

    Cybil Schmook Prune Washer

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