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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Elderly Woman Unknowingly Lived With 20,000 Bees

Saying she didn’t notice any buzzing or see any bees flying around outside, a 98-year-old Florida woman was shocked to discover more than 20,000 bees living in her attic, as well as numerous rats and squirrels that had been attracted by the large amounts of honey. What do you think?

  • “Getting old is quite the adventure.”

    Elton Schiff Lathe Operator
  • “So that’s where all the bees went!”

    Gustavo Lombardo Sluice Tender
  • “If you think about it, aren’t we all unknowingly living with 20,000 bees?”

    Cybil Schmook Prune Washer

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