adBlockCheck

Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

Election Madness

With Florida's results in doubt, several other states mulling recounts, and both Bush and Gore threatening legal action, the winner of the Nov. 7 presidential election has yet to be determined. What do you think?
  • "Gore should concede and let Bush have the presidency. After all, he's truly earned it."

    Len Ruffin Meat Packer
  • "I just hope they do a revote in my district. I'm pretty sure I accidentally voted for Leo Koepke for county clerk instead of Barb Shultz."

    Elaine Pasqua Homemaker
  • "The only clear mandate I see emerging from this election is that elderly Palm Beach Jews want an end to abortion and affirmative action."

    Bethany Aldrete Teacher
  • "Man, that Doris Kearns Goodwin must be wetting her pants over this."

    Donald Youmans Chiropractor
  • "This has been an incredibly difficult time for me, not knowing whether to invest in Solarcorp or GloboPetrochemical."

    Andrew Deshaies Systems Analyst
  • "See, now this is why I don't vote."

    Patrick Bosio Auto Mechanic

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close