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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Elephants Can Distinguish Human Voices By Age, Ethnicity

According to a new study, elephants can discern people of different ages, sexes, and ethnic groups based on the humans’ voices, a skill researchers say helps the animals remember threatening groups. What do you think?

  • “Big deal. I can pick out people of different ethnicities just by looking at them.”

    Lucille Flaherty Production Accountant
  • “As cool as that is, I’d advise them to just go ahead and bolt at the sound of any human voice.”

    Scott Breuninger Standardized Test Proctor
  • “Those big flappy ears can do anything.”

    Jeffrey Nicholson Cable Box Repairer
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