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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Eliot Spitzer Announces Return To Politics

Eliot Spitzer, who resigned as New York governor in 2008 after admitting that he solicited call girls from a prostitution ring, confirmed this week that he is running for New York City comptroller, asking voters to forgive him for the scandal so he can return to public service. What do you think?

  • “Wow! As if comptroller elections weren’t exciting enough to begin with.”

    Jerry Rivas Vat Tender
  • “Yet another amoral politician who’s willing to say and do anything in his monomaniacal pursuit of the comptrollership.”

    Amary Downing Bench Designer
  • “What a stand-up thing to do. Hell, I respect him again already.”

    Russ Llewelyn Sales Assistant
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