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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Eliot Spitzer Announces Return To Politics

Eliot Spitzer, who resigned as New York governor in 2008 after admitting that he solicited call girls from a prostitution ring, confirmed this week that he is running for New York City comptroller, asking voters to forgive him for the scandal so he can return to public service. What do you think?

  • “Wow! As if comptroller elections weren’t exciting enough to begin with.”

    Jerry Rivas Vat Tender
  • “Yet another amoral politician who’s willing to say and do anything in his monomaniacal pursuit of the comptrollership.”

    Amary Downing Bench Designer
  • “What a stand-up thing to do. Hell, I respect him again already.”

    Russ Llewelyn Sales Assistant

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