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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:
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Eliot Spitzer Announces Return To Politics

Eliot Spitzer, who resigned as New York governor in 2008 after admitting that he solicited call girls from a prostitution ring, confirmed this week that he is running for New York City comptroller, asking voters to forgive him for the scandal so he can return to public service. What do you think?

  • “Wow! As if comptroller elections weren’t exciting enough to begin with.”

    Jerry Rivas Vat Tender
  • “Yet another amoral politician who’s willing to say and do anything in his monomaniacal pursuit of the comptrollership.”

    Amary Downing Bench Designer
  • “What a stand-up thing to do. Hell, I respect him again already.”

    Russ Llewelyn Sales Assistant

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