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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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EU Against Secret Prisons

The European Union is going to impose sanctions against member nations that cooperated with the U.S. CIA-run prisons. What do you think?
  • "Are they going around accusing people of torture? I mean, apparently we torture people who say that shit."

    Geoff Nelson Animal Trainer
  • "It looks like maybe the CIA should return to its former purpose: toppling hostile governments. In this case, the EU."

    Liam Ryan Physician’s Assistant
  • "So suddenly the fatherland of S&M has a problem with torture?"

    Phoebe Plagens Housekeeping
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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