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EU Against Secret Prisons

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
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    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

EU Against Secret Prisons

The European Union is going to impose sanctions against member nations that cooperated with the U.S. CIA-run prisons. What do you think?
  • "Are they going around accusing people of torture? I mean, apparently we torture people who say that shit."

    Geoff Nelson
    Animal Trainer
  • "It looks like maybe the CIA should return to its former purpose: toppling hostile governments. In this case, the EU."

    Liam Ryan
    Physician’s Assistant
  • "So suddenly the fatherland of S&M has a problem with torture?"

    Phoebe Plagens
    Housekeeping

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