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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Europe, The U.S., And Saddam

A number of America's top European allies, including France and Germany, strongly oppose any potential U.S. military action against Iraq. What do you think?
  • "What? The rest of the world disapproves of America's militarism? Jesus, man, don't they know they can get bombed for that?"

    Christopher <br>Massey Systems <br>Analyst
  • "Whatever will we do without the backing of the Spanish Armada?"

    Lisa Hatcher Graduate <br>Student
  • "C'mon, one shot at ousting Saddam every 10 years is only fair."

    Bob Olsen Roofer
  • "It's not like we're asking our European allies to pitch in; we just want them to stand idly by and watch."

    Michael <br>Rossum Lawyer
  • "Fuck Europe. I hate those sniffy little watered-down wimps. So what if they're absolutely right? Fuckin' horse-eaters."

    Rick Edgerton Cab Driver
  • "It's good to see that after more than 50 years, America's shrewd piss-off-the-world strategy is finally starting to pay off."

    Michelle Glover Dietitian

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