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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Evangelical Pastor Under Fire

After admitting that he received sexual favors and meth from a male prostitute, President of the National Association of Evangelicals Ted Haggard resigned his post and was dismissed from his church. What do you think?
  • “Maybe if his wife were a man who provided him with crystal meth, this poor guy wouldn't have had to go searching for other ways to satisfy his urges.”

    Darren Kroll Elevator Repairman
  • “You see, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when drug dealers get involved with religion.”

    Carl Lapis Floor Refinisher
  • “Show me in the Bible where it says ‘thou shall not engage in sinful sexual acts with another man,’ and that ‘that same man should also not be trafficking drugs to you’ all in the same sentence.”

    Jennifer Derringer Hotel Maid

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