adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Evel Knievel Dead

Legendary stuntman Evel Knievel died at home last week at the age of 69. What do you think?
  • "His spirit will live on in every vacant lot, every row of 13 Pepsi delivery trucks, and every 20-foot-long box filled with rattlesnakes."

    Alan Thurber Taxi Driver
  • "That's too bad. I was rooting for his oxygen to complete the leap over the blood-brain barrier."

    Cathy DuBrow Psychiatric Nurse
  • "Thank God. Now I can finally let my kids watch TV again. Of course, they are in their 40s."

    Strom Gustavson Roofer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close