Evel Knievel Dead

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Vol 43 Issue 49

U.S. Breath Reaches All-Time Worst

WASHINGTON—"We can no longer afford to turn our heads away and ignore this problem," Department of Breath and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt said.

Kidnapping British People Legal

A lawyer for the U.S. government told the Court of Appeal in London that the United States could legally kidnap citizens of other countries because...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Evel Knievel Dead

Legendary stuntman Evel Knievel died at home last week at the age of 69. What do you think?
  • "His spirit will live on in every vacant lot, every row of 13 Pepsi delivery trucks, and every 20-foot-long box filled with rattlesnakes."

    Alan Thurber
    Taxi Driver
  • "That's too bad. I was rooting for his oxygen to complete the leap over the blood-brain barrier."

    Cathy DuBrow
    Psychiatric Nurse
  • "Thank God. Now I can finally let my kids watch TV again. Of course, they are in their 40s."

    Strom Gustavson
    Roofer
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