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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Everclear Faces Iowa Ban

Following a hazing incident in which a freshman was hospitalized with a blood-alcohol content of 0.5 percent, Iowa is considering banning the high-proof neutral grain spirit known as Everclear. What do you think?
  • "But high-proof vodkas are often essential for freshmen whose gulping muscles aren't fully developed."

    Damon Woods Loader
  • "Everclear overconsumption is certainly a major problem at colleges, but such a ban would be entirely unfair to those of us Iowans who responsibly enjoy a glass of jungle juice with our meals each evening."

    Jessie Coles Job Order Clerk
  • "That's why freshmen aren't invited to my parties."

    Irvng Hunter Rubber Mill Operator

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