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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Evolution In Our Schools

On Aug. 11 the Kansas Board of Education approved new science standards which de-emphasize the teaching of evolution. What do you think of this controversial decision?
  • "What? You've got to be kidding me! Kansas has schools?"

    William J. Rubin Robotics Technician
  • "I don't want my kids learning none of that 'devilution' or about, um, the... 'sin bang.' Give me a minute. I can do better."

    Annie Kaplan Real Estate Agent
  • "Evolution? I know it's true from personal experience. I used to be a butterfly."

    Julia Snyder-Barnes Typesetter
  • "Listen here. My ancestors weren't no monkey-fuckers."

    Marty LaFarge Flooring Installer
  • "As a Kansan, I just ask myself, 'WWJD?' I figure he'd want to wear white button-up shirts, drink beer, cheer the Jayhawks, and set education in this state back about 100 years."

    Stan Crouse Appliance Repairer
  • "I choose to believe in the unambiguous facts yielded by astronomy, geology, paleontology, history and common sense. Forgive me,
    Jesus."

    Paul Bromfield Systems Analyst
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