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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Ex-DHS Chief Asserts Terror Alerts Gamed Election

In his new book, former head of the Department of Homeland Security Tom Ridge says that the Bush administration pressured him to raise the terror alert level in order to influence the 2004 election. What do you think?
  • "Hopefully our new administration can restore the color alert system to its objective and useful form."

    Bart Zuniga Systems Analyst
  • "Yes, but if we had had a low terror alert level, then no one would have voted at all, because everyone would have been at the park."

    Michelle Twiller Bank Teller
  • "Well, it backfired for me. I was so panicked I ended up in a mental institution and didn’t vote. In your face, Bush administration!"

    Warren Oldman Security Guard

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