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Executing SARS Spreaders in China

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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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Executing SARS Spreaders in China

Last week, China threatened to execute individuals who knowingly spread the SARS virus. What do you think?
  • "Finally, they've hit on a workable method of population control."

    Michael Newell Systems Analyst
  • "We should let the World Health Organization do the executing. They never get to do the fun stuff."

    Colleen Matthews Teacher
  • "People with SARS should not be ostracized. Many people with SARS live happy, productive lives for three days before their lungs fall into their underpants."

    Charles Barker File Clerk
  • "We shouldn't be critical. It's an old Chinese custom to shoot people for no good reason."

    Sam Kennert Mechanic
  • "I've always said the Chinese don't know how to handle a crisis. Have you ever seen their fire drills?"

    Martin Reed Investment Banker
  • "SARS has a 90 percent survival rate. That's a higher survival rate than the one for just living in China."

    Angie Pulliam Florist

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