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Executing The Mentally Disabled

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Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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Executing The Mentally Disabled

The U.S. Supreme Court is currently hearing a case challenging the constitutionality of the death penalty for retarded individuals. What do you think?
  • "The notion of executing retarded people is deeply offensive. It should be called the execution of the developmentally disabled."

    Anita Welch Homemaker
  • "I'd rather see these killers executed than force the American taxpayer to spend thousands on lemon cookies and safety scissors for the next 50 years."

    Robert Ready Banker
  • "You'd think judges would be lenient, since they probably were pretty easy to catch."

    Irfan Clarence Cashier
  • "How can we execute criminals for actions they don't even fully comprehend? They just wanted to pet the pretty lady's soft hair."

    Don Duquette Truck Driver
  • "Do we really need to waste money and resources killing the retarded when sending them into a hedge maze would be just as effective?"

    Art Gordon Systems Analyst
  • "Even more shocking is the fact that hundreds of these executions were carried out by a Texas governor with a 57 IQ."

    Mindy Andersen Reference Librarian

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