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Executing The Mentally Retarded

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Executing The Mentally Retarded

The Supreme Court recently ruled that executing mentally retarded criminals is "cruel and unusual punishment," violating the Eighth Amendment. What do you think?
  • "My God. Now there's no holding back that group home down the street."

    Todd Pollack Lawyer
  • "That's too bad, because they're a whole lot easier to catch than regular murderers."

    Elaine Ruffin Student
  • "Whew. I'm glad I got a few in just under the wire."

    Reginald Deshaies Systems Analyst
  • "The cook who prepares the last meals at our prison is already seeing a drop-off in requests for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

    Joey Schor Prison Guard
  • "Yaaaaay! I'm not gonna be electricuded! Yaaaaay!"

    Bobby Aldrete Felon
  • "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be measured by the way it treats its 'tards."

    Diane Magadan Dietitian

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