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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Executing The Mentally Retarded

The Supreme Court recently ruled that executing mentally retarded criminals is "cruel and unusual punishment," violating the Eighth Amendment. What do you think?
  • "My God. Now there's no holding back that group home down the street."

    Todd Pollack Lawyer
  • "That's too bad, because they're a whole lot easier to catch than regular murderers."

    Elaine Ruffin Student
  • "Whew. I'm glad I got a few in just under the wire."

    Reginald Deshaies Systems Analyst
  • "The cook who prepares the last meals at our prison is already seeing a drop-off in requests for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

    Joey Schor Prison Guard
  • "Yaaaaay! I'm not gonna be electricuded! Yaaaaay!"

    Bobby Aldrete Felon
  • "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be measured by the way it treats its 'tards."

    Diane Magadan Dietitian

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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