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Politics

The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Executions Postponed Due To Drug Shortage

A national shortage of the anesthetic sodium thiopental has states scrambling to find a suitable replacement for scheduled executions. What do you think?

  • "Maybe this will lead state governments to kill people in a normal way instead of sneaking around with poison."

    Mia Myers Systems Analyst
  • "I just bought a 24-pack of Mountain Dew Live Wire, if that helps with anything."

    Darby Collins Oil Sprayer
  • "Great. Now we'll have to find another day when everyone in our church group can attend."

    Kenny Gray Church Deacon

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