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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Expired Medicines Collected By DEA

The Drug Enforcement Administration conducted a national initiative last weekend in which people could bring their expired and unwanted prescription medications for disposal, no questions asked. What do you think?

  • "Look, DEA agents fight hard every day in a war they know they can't win; they deserve a little perk like free pills."

    Laura Digard Building Inspector
  • "The DEA has the safest and most reliable toilet for disposing of drugs."

    David Eubank Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, okay, fuck it, my hair's never growing back anyway."

    Larry Williams Lubrication Servicer

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