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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Explosion Seen On Jupiter

Earlier this week, two amateur astronomers witnessed and captured video of what appeared to be a 100-mile-wide fireball in the atmosphere of Jupiter, a phenomenon they believe was likely the result of a major meteor or comet impact. What do you think?

  • “This just goes to show: If you stare at Jupiter long enough, something might happen.”

    Phil Horvath Hay Sorter
  • “Aw, other people saw that too? There goes my wish.”

    Lynn Dacascos Nuclear Engineer
  • “I’m sorry. I’m way too stressed to think about Jupiter today. That planet is huge.”

    Stan Rhodes Mayonnaise Mixer

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