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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Explosion Seen On Jupiter

Earlier this week, two amateur astronomers witnessed and captured video of what appeared to be a 100-mile-wide fireball in the atmosphere of Jupiter, a phenomenon they believe was likely the result of a major meteor or comet impact. What do you think?

  • “This just goes to show: If you stare at Jupiter long enough, something might happen.”

    Phil Horvath Hay Sorter
  • “Aw, other people saw that too? There goes my wish.”

    Lynn Dacascos Nuclear Engineer
  • “I’m sorry. I’m way too stressed to think about Jupiter today. That planet is huge.”

    Stan Rhodes Mayonnaise Mixer
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