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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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'Extreme Couponing' Craze Increases Newspaper Theft

A TV show about extreme coupon use has been blamed for an uptick in the number of newspapers stolen from driveways, newstands, and coin-operated dispensers. What do you think?

  • "You shouldn't judge until you've experienced the high that comes with saving 50 cents on a box of Hamburger Helper."

    Stuart Jackson Foam Charger
  • "I'll keep an eye out for anyone who seems to be buying more than their share of mayonnaise and Dr. Scholl’s Corn and Bunion Pads."

    Sarah McCrimmon Accelerator Operator
  • “I cut out the middleman and just steal the groceries I want.”

    Mitch Waterfield Systems Analyst
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