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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Eyes Wide Cut

In order to receive an 'R' rating from the MPAA, Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut was digitally altered, with human figures added to obscure scenes of explicit sexuality. What do you think about what many film critics are condemning as censorship?
  • "I'm glad Kubrick was forced to alter Eyes Wide Shut. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to go with my daddy."

    Jessica Dybzinski 9-Year-Old
  • "This kind of censorship has gotten way out of hand. I was watching Spice on pay-per-view the other night, and they didn't even include the penetration shots."

    Patrick <br>Tidrow Bus Driver
  • "I would have preferred to see the NC-17 version, because I really get off on graphic depictions of alienation, paranoia and betrayal."

    George Fisk Systems Analyst
  • "Stanley Kubrick? Didn't he direct Sammy The Way Out Seal? Oh, no, I'm thinking of Norman Tokar."

    Diane Nyman Librarian
  • "I hear the original version has even more explicit footage showcasing the bare breasts of Sydney Pollack."

    Gene Stegman Civil Engineer
  • "If depraved filth is what you want to see, rent one of those porno tapes. But if you want to see a towering, final artistic statement by a major director, then could I have the porno tape?"

    Bob <br>Paciorek Roofer

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